realize.

... all that you aspire to is [within] your grasp.
[you] are your only obstacle.
[you] are your only champion.


... everything else is just an excuse.

think about it.

[be]

creative rebellion pulsing forth
heart.beats.fire.
idle south soaring north.
i want to be.
i need to be
just [be]..for me.
go go go.
here i go..
pouring..
coursing..let [if] flow.
free.

...on the rare occasions

that i am attracted to another human being..  she is unavailable or interested. under the fact that they already have a significant other, or not interested in women. i have yet to be attracted to another single, available woman.. attracted to women.

the feeliings are there. they exist. its just i haven' t had the opportunity to allow them to bloom to their fullest potential. so.. i think i've gotten used to just not letting my emotions go there. there is a definite plateau.. that i haven't been able to plunge over...

the reality of it is.. yes.. there are people i am/i've been attracted to that are a regular presence in my life. i do not find it difficult.. yet it doesn't mean i don't think about them. i've just.. adapted to what the situation is.

..i sometimes feel.. that i don't know how to be in love any more..  that i just know how to be love. give love.
 its all anyone wants from me.

..not sure why

but i don't want anyone to know  me.
.. have yet to meet a person who wanted to figure me out.


..and those that thought they knew me.. only knew me as they wanted to see me.

busy busy busy

.. and so scattered.
as exciting as this time in my life is.. and the anticipation of what's to come..
i want to be in my void. in my internal cave where no one can touch me.
lately.. its been every one and every thing all at once..[such is life!] and i'm keeping up.. but i don't feel that i am giving the best and whole of me because my energy is so scattered and thinned out between a multitude of things and people... and at the end of the day.. i have nothing left for myself.

so i lay restless... exhausted.... staring in the dark.... at the gates of slumber... and unable to cross until my  soul decides its gotten her share of the day... here comes the sun.

it's like this internal war of wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time.. and i'm not one to pass up an opportunity.. but i really must look at the quality of myself i am willing to put forth... i want to be able to focus all my attention and energy on [you] in our moment untouched by the hands of time.

this girl needs to slow dowwwwn.

a lil horoscope scrutiny....

so.. i was just trying to assess the relationships i have with my friends in relation to their horoscope signs.. and its interesting to see the similarities in the bond and connection i've made with these inidividuals:

Sagittarians | robust and passionate... the ones i feel i have the most raw and open relationship with.. ones that i can divulge anything to.. i have the greatest laughs with.

Librans | i tend to feel soul connections with these folks... deep conversations... of love, life.. the world.. .. we allow the conversation to lead us into wandering the depths of our minds and souls.... showing us ourselves. the most abundant in my life.

Capricorns | we are a fickle bunch.. we generally don’t hang out.. yet when face to face...there spawns  illuminating conversation. yet we are not an easy bunch to break into... we are comfortable in our respective spaces. Rarely do we spend quality time together.. but when we do.. its full of substance.

Virgos | ah yes.. my creative sparks and lovers of life. fun loving and whimsical... we always have a blast... and stimulating, honest conversations. yet.. they have an inability to deal with conflict in a communicative manner.

Geminis |.. i can most relate to these folks... shy and awkward at times.. we share similar roles in life..  with mutual respect for one another...and although we don't spend time consistently.. we are aware of each other and a collective understanding develops.. and when we catch each other at different points in our lives.. we tend to find that we are in the same place.

just sayin'

..if i could take a snapshot of my life as it is today..  i would say it's pretty darn perfect.
needing nothing more..
wanting nothing less.
just perfectly imperfect. balanced. solid.

yet.. i know change is on the horizon... as it always is..
bittersweet disruption.. time will reveal.

your happiness is my light. paths cross..and untangle... and we are reborn.

so i savor this moment and every moment .... and this very thought.... this feeling of pure, honest bliss... that all is enough (for now)... yeah. :]

i love you. i thank you. i cherish you.