i want

to understand why my intent is so strong.
and unwaivering.

why... its because its my heart that is inflamed.. and that which i have no control of.

today was the obvious rejection i've been waiting for.
sitting here sunken and depressed..
trying to figure out what i am to learn of this. why has the universe brought me here.

its hard for me.. especially coming from an ideology... where i believe your will, persistence and passion are the defining factors of obtaining your goals. this is true.
but not when it comes to the matters of the heart.. and the heart of another human being.

i have never met such resistance... which in turn only drives my persistence. most people are receptive to me. i am a pleasant person. but not to her. is it me? or is it her? or the dynamic of her and me?
regardless....i must respect her wishes.

i've never felt so defeated. so.. unwanted.. so.. hopeless.
so alone.

all because the one in which i adore.. will not spare on me a second more.

[she]

is on my mind again..
its been about 6 months... since we shared our first glance. if she didn't look at me with those eyes.. would i still be smitten with her?

other than that split second.. she's given me nothing to allude to the fact that she has any interest as me as person...   i don't even know if that split second even exists...  but i know it did for me.