happy new year

2009.. you shook it up.
2010.. you should me myself...
2011.. show me the world

sucked in.

how do you hold back?
how do you refrain..
when all you can think about..
all you want to do.. is give all of the robustness
this heart has to give...
is pumping..
for you.

today.. i miss you

perhaps its this mystic weather
thats tugging at my emotional strings..
rousing a melancholy melody.

i know who i am.
i know how my heart works...
as temporary as we are.. as temporary as anything has the potential to be in this world...

i must give you all of me.
regardless of the heartache that awaits on the other side.

i signed up for this.
and i take it all on.

maybe..

maybe its not you.
rather all that you represent.
all that  i've encompassed within the idea of you..
the very essentials in life that i crave.
that i miss.

the rush that sends my heart soaring.
that connection with another human being that is without words...
that is felt immensely just by the nearness of you.
to have my heart melt
over someone..
and for her to savor ever drop i have to give
..inviting the whole of my being.

more than anything i miss that part of me.

and for the first time in a long time..
i saw that part of me with you..

i saw.. that you had the ability to open my heart.

how is it possible

... to be completely... utterly ..intoxicatingly smitten with someone you only shared a glance with...???

lately...

things i miss....
1. kissing [love] goodbye & hello everyday
2. gazing at [love].. with eyes only meant for her.
3. playing footsie under the covers
4. fingers intertwined
5. sleeping thigh to thigh
6. butterfly caresses
7. our unspoken language
8. falling in love all over again everyday with [love]
9. waking up to the most beautiful face
10. listening to her breath
11. breathing in [love's] fragrance
12. loving [you]
13.[you] wanting the middle of my oreo

such things i cannot give to myself.

again.

falling back... or forward into a place i've been..
of not so long ago.. can't remember when

..wandering ....wandering
 into what have may...
that with which has been left astray...

change.

can be beautiful when you least expect it.
... will be a challenge when you don't want it.
is... an amalgam of fears and wonder while in the midst of it.

advocates growth... hopefully in the right direction.

i grow tired.. lost in transition...
stuck in a constant state of flux.